I sigh audibly, roll my shoulders back and down, intentionally breathe and focus. Sitting waiting at another doctor’s visit, but this one perhaps is more anxiety producing than any in my recent memory. I knew my hips were a problem. That was obvious. They are fixed, but another issue pops up.
Frustration. Self-pity. Disgust. Anger.
Staring at strangers. Waiting for my name to be called.
Reading a magazine gives me that little push to refocus my current Hobbling Hippie mentality back to that of the Hopeful Hippie.
Words. Resilience. Strength. Endurance.
Then I think back to all of the patients that are achieving great things. We are talking New York, Boston and Berlin marathons. We are talking the Ironman.
I focus back on the words on the page. Words that need to help me paint my reality from feelings of weakness and failure to hope, optimism, success.
“Resilience is that ineffable quality found in some people who have been knocked down by life and have come back at least as strong as or stronger than before. They overcome and rise above” (Roubicek, 2019).
Do I have that quality? Not so sure about that. I am stubborn which forces me to have a facade, perhaps of resilience. Or am I both stubborn and resilient? I’ll have to think about that some more. My husband would say that I am 100% stubborn.
Endurance is the other word that pops off the page with animation or perhaps the word appears to be moving because I’m just plain tired of it all.
“To endure requires a strong mindset where you continually push your body and mind to the limit without giving up. It is remaining firm without yielding” (Roubicek, 2019).
In this situation, I’m not pushing my body – it’s pushing me. But my mind? I am strong willed. I don’t give up easily. Just ask Jeremy, my trainer. He will say ten reps of Romanian dead lifts. I’ll do one more just to get the last word in. That is will, stubbornness and ego all wrapped into one nice package.
But is endurance a great quality to have? It is, but only to a point. Your mind and body cannot only be fueled by endurance. It needs hope, optimism, positivity. It needs resilience.
I stand up. Dust my shoulders off with a little attitude. Yep, that’s me. I follow the nurse. Optimism and hope are back in the driver’s seat for now. If they tire, I will use my endurance and kick their butts into gear to help me cross the finish line.
Roubicek, M. (2019). Endurance Vs. Resiliency. Central Valley Physicians, 12-17.