There are just some days that look up – everything will be okay. And there are other days where you start your day waking up startled from a bad dream and then realize the bad dream is a function of the homework your mind is doing.
I’m so grateful that today is Saturday and the beginning of the first day of a week-long vacation. I am also relieved that last week is behind me. Just the simple, “How are you doing?” brought me to tears when a friend called me on Wednesday. Tears that came with a meltdown, at least in my estimation. I feel like I am fairly stoic when it has come to challenges. This is sometimes a good thing – it conveys strength and confidence- an “I’ve got this” attitude. But some times, it is not a benefit. There are times when I feel like I am drowning in worry, but a life vest has not been thrown. That is stoicism's pitfall.
On Wednesday, my friend asked me that very question. "How are you?' She got an earful of discouragement, worry, anger. My response to her, “I’m defective. I’m so tired of being &#%!@ defective. My body is not doing what I tell it to do. I work so damn hard. I eat healthy. Why?” Through my tears, I heard her say, “Hopeful Hippie, your body is amazing! In spite of all of your surgeries, you are so active. You do more than I do and I have had none of your issues.” And, I got to thinking, “Damn, my body is pretty amazing. I have had multiple ankle, spine, hip and knee surgeries, yet most would never be able to tell from an outward appearance.” Since I am a yogi, I am intensely aware though when my body is slipping. I feel this slippage as I am no longer able to do a one-legged balance pose with grace and ease. A pose that I’ve been doing for years. I feel that my body is slipping in slow motion and it will hit the ground. Then, I will get band-aids and I will move on as I always do.
But today, is a celebration. Do you know why? My husband and I have been married for 33 years. That in itself is an accomplishment. The determination and hard work and sometimes that “pull out my hair and his hair will” is what gets me through these challenges. I am stubborn. I am strong willed. I am determined. I am hopeful. I’m damn proud of my resilience. I will be celebrating with a glass of wine as opposed to a glass of whine! So get out there, find your mountain and climb it with attitude. Open up to those feelings of discouragement, lean into them and then brush them off and continue climbing.
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